Uh oh! Buying More Stuff Will Not Feed Your Soul
Gratitude as an antidote to need-more syndrome and how questioning our consumption can create space for creativity and meaning.
Hi friends,
I’ve recently had a reckoning that retail therapy has been a consistent thread in my life over the past two decades…and that’s before Amazon even came into play. For me, there’s something soothing about the rhythmic motion of squeaking hangers on a rack. Browsing the clearance section at Marshall’s with my mom as a tween is quite literally a fond memory for me.
For the years following tweenhood, shopping grew into one of my favorite pastimes, bopping into a store because “it was in the area” and “I needed this one thing” whenever I had a spare moment. Instead of sitting with the discomfort of boredom for a fraction of a second, I could be getting something new and shiny!
Recently, I’ve been on a quest to be more intentional with how I spend my time, desperately trying (and often failing) to carve out space for the things with the most payoff (and I’m not talking about financially; I’m talking about for the soul.) I’ve started to recognize how much of my time was disappearing into the retail wasteland and how impossible it can feel to avoid the swarm of ads in my orbit.
Apparently, the average person is exposed to somewhere between 4,000 and 10,000 ads per day, leaving little room for much else in our feeds or our free time. The more I pay attention, the more I see consumerism in the Western world for what it is: a bunch of addicts to instant gratification and the ease of clicking ‘buy now.’
“Consumerism tells us that in order to be happy, we must consume as many products and services as possible. If we feel that something is missing or not quite right, then we probably need to buy a product (a car, new clothes, organic food) or a service (housekeeping, relationship therapy, yoga classes). Every television commercial is another little legend about how consuming some product or service will make life better.”
― Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind
Online shopping has streamlined the consumer decision-making process. The fact of the matter is that the moment we decide we want something, we can have it. Gone are the days of braving the hideous fluorescent lights in dressing rooms to try on clothes and really put the item to the stress test prior to buying. Gone are the days of waiting in line at the checkout counter, looking down into your cart to reconsider if you really need the chips or if it’s just your hunger speaking. Gone even are the days of needing to interact with the annoying car salesman.
There is no longer any friction when it comes to the buying process. Instant gratification meets materialism, baby!
I’ve also started to pick up on a new marketing technique: the ‘Forever Sale’. What is the ‘Forever Sale’, you ask? Walk through a Macy’s or a Kohls on any given day. Whether it’s a Friends & Family sale, a holiday sale, an end-of-season sale, or a start-of-season sale, it’s a sale, people! And now haunts us in our inboxes, too. Every. Single. Day.
The Forever Sale triggers the scarcity mindset, creating a false sense of urgency that you better buy it now before you miss out and it’s gone forever. Suddenly, you’re thinking, “Oh, boy, I'd better buy this now because it’s on sale, even though I don’t need it, nor did I enter this store looking to purchase it to begin with.” It’s kinda like the equivalent of a flashing neon sign that says “BAR OPEN” for an alcoholic. That’s a hard door not to open.
Gain the Whole World, But Losing Our Souls?
Let’s play a fun little game. Watch this commercial that just came on my TV screen from Walmart. What is this ad conveying?
In a culture obsessed with consumption, it begs the question: what are we really gaining by buying more?
We’re told that having more things will help to fill the holes that we feel in our lives. The fixation with ‘more’ is also an enormous distraction from pursuing the things that bring us true contentment and connection.
“Listening to the siren song of more, we are deaf to the still small voice waiting in our soul to whisper, “You’re enough.”
-‘The Artist’s Way,’ Julia Cameron
We’re up against billions of dollars worth of ads telling us that we can buy the solution to any problem. The biggest, the newest, and the cleanest products are here to save the day! You will be happy once you acquire x, y, or z, they say.
The holidays have become pretty huge spectacles as a result. Halloween yard decorations are monstrous, massive skeletons and inflatable cartoons or endless stacks of pumpkins left to rot. During the first week in November, Christmas lights were being professionally installed all over my neighborhood, each block a bright symbol of Keeping Up-With-The Joneses at work.
Now, this isn’t all to poo-poo the holidays. It’s simply to introduce a gut-check reaction that causes a pause before spending money on something that you didn’t really need to begin with. More often than not, you already have everything you need…it just takes a little bit of clarity or creativity to notice.
“Just because it’s the newer and/or faster doesn’t mean it’s better (as heretical as that sounds.) Don’t get sucked into the capitalistic marketing ploy. What looks like progression is often regression with an agenda. Others get rich; you get distracted and addicted. As Gandhi said, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
-The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer
Gratitude as an Antidote to ~Need More~ Syndrome
I love Thanksgiving. Everything about the day oozes warmth to me. It’s a celebration of a bountiful harvest, a feast to give thanks for what we already have. Call me sentimental (u right), but my favorite memories are the raw, attentive moments around the table when everyone shares what they’re thankful for. It’s a rare opportunity to reflect and express your appreciation to a room full of people opting to do the same.
Gratitude is an antidote to consumerism. It serves as a powerful tool that urges you to look around and say, “Actually, I’m good here.” Practicing gratitude shifts our focus from what’s lacking to feelings of contentment.
Scientifically, expressing gratitude makes you happier. When we stop to be thankful, we’re tapping into the well of the present and actively choosing to see the good despite the bad. Like meditation, gratitude slowly starts to rewire your brain.
I try to journal about things I’m grateful for whenever it crosses my mind. I’m even that weirdo who forces a little exchange over things to be thankful for with my husband before bed. Believe it or not, it feels really dang nice to fall asleep surrounded by thoughts of goodness.
Despite the regularity of this practice, these things do not pour out of me without effort. Usually, my mind goes blank for a moment as I sort through the pieces, searching for the good stuff.
It’s like there’s this cork plugged into a bottle. It takes a little bit of strength to yank off the top at first, but if you shake the bottle a little, the excitement and energy begin bubbling, the pressure builds, and suddenly, it’s overflowing.
A couple of weeks ago, I ventured to a picturesque sliver of calm unexpectedly planted in downtown Dallas. The spot has been on my list for quite some time, but a visit now felt particularly timely. As I pulled the door open to enter the Thanksgiving Chapel, the rushing water from the fountains outside faded away. In the circular space, the world went silent. No distractions, no one trying to sell me something (well…there was a donation box…), just me and my thoughts sitting beneath the most magical mosaic spiral into the sky. I took a few deep breaths and pulled out my journal, readying myself to write about the gifts already in my life.
Reflection can be a road map if you let it.
When we pivot our attention to what’s going right and the things that make us feel fulfilled, we start to prioritize them in time. It sounds so stupidly simple, but we are a sum of where we put our attention. We are what we eat. Over the holidays especially, try to send your energy (and money) to the right places and people — that’s where the real magic lies.
Down & Dirty in the Workshop: Tangible Ways to Practice Gratitude & Fight the Messaging of ‘More’
Write:
Journal about things you’re grateful for. Don’t stop until you fill an entire page.
What are some of the most priceless gifts you’ve ever been given? Were they high-ticket items? What made those gifts important or special to you?
Write about something you have in your house right now that you haven’t used but bought recently. Use it…or say goodbye.
Send someone a Thank You note.
What are experiences you can nurture yourself with that fill your heart, not your house? Plan to do one of them.
Do:
Stop walking through the cheap things section at the entrance of Target.
Leading up to Thanksgiving, do a no-spend challenge and eliminate all non-essential spending. Obvi, the stuffing and gravy ingredients are considered essential.
Add things to a cart and then close the tab; if you’re actually still thinking about it a few days later, then consider it. Take time to think.
Unsubscribe to five retailers in your inbox this week.
Create a new tradition that costs next to nothing.
Go:
Plan a Free day. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Get creative. Spend not a dollar while adventuring.
Do a thrifting day and try to find some unique gems to gift rather than buying new ones.
Meditate:
What are You Trying to Prove?
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Not even to yourself.
A subconscious desire to prove ourselves may be hiding at the root of our fears, the root of our tension, the root of our need to do and be more. Accompanying it can be a burning belief that we aren’t good enough, that we need to compensate for some deficiency in ourselves in order to take our place on this planet.
We may feel like we have to earn our place, earn our right to be here. Like we’re being watched and judged, graded. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’re fine just the way you are. You have energy, vitality. You have particular gifts and tales. You have been learning your lessons just right in your life.
Let go of the need to prove yourself to others – to parents, people from the past, people in your life today. Could it be the one you’ve really been trying to prove something to is yourself? The answer is simple: learn to approve of yourself.
-Journey to the Heart
May you find peace and playfulness.
Stay wild, homies.